I feel really annoyed with people. I am really sick of working really hard at something and no one really caring. I mean there are like maybe four or five people in total that even appreciate the amount of effort I put in. I love these few people and I do it for them but it’s really getting discouraging. I don’t want all the credit, I would just like to be acknowledged every once in a while, it’s so frustrating.
I really think a lot of it is Jesus. I really feel like I am being pushed in a different direction. There have been many events in my life that have not gone as expected, that have discouraged me. I think Jesus is saying it’s time to move on. Especially now, since I have finally forgiven the people who hurt me most. It’s just so hard. Change is something I adapt to very easily but that does not mean I like it.
The last 2 years, since I’ve graduated high school have been really difficult for me. The adjustment has not been easy. I’m not saying it should have been but after 2 years I still don’t feel like I have a place to belong. I don’t really belong with my family. I’m just at that age where I know I need to move on. I don’t fit at marching band, a place where I have always had at least some respect. Now I have none.
I don’t fit at the church either. This saddens me more than I can express. In my last years of high school the church really was a place that I felt I belonged. My family was there but then some people let me down. I have only recently gotten over this, I was really hurt by these people. I should have let it go a long time ago but I just wanted somebody to be angry at because I felt so lost. This does not mean what these people did was right at all. I seriously almost totally gave up on my faith but I know the reason I was mad for so long was because I chose to be.
I still don’t feel like I have much of a place in this world. I’m just praying about everything, going with the flow. I have a pretty basic plan for my life and that could change at any time but for now I’m fine with just waiting. I’ve learn to really trust God recently. It’s amazing how even whenever I was so far away from God he still worked in my life and kept me strong.
I never planned to talk about any of this. I was just going to complain a little about people don’t acknowledging me. I never expected it to go this far. Oh well. I feel better and hey, maybe someone else will get something from this.
So I shall go. School tomorrow, work the next day. So Imma be a busy girl.(:
“Maybe the truth is, there’s a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things.”—Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
“16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”— 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”— 1 John 4:9-12
I’m done with school for the day. I was a decent day, I guess. Decent enough considering I had an 8 am. Whoever thought a college student want to wake up for an 8 am class? They need their head checked. But I am finished. I also applied for a job at the Jiffy Mart. Par-time, of course. haha.
I hop you all had a great first day.
Oh&I realized I am a senior, so today was my last first day of school as a college undergraduate. ahhh…